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Review: Barbarian Swords – Totemic Anal Turbofucker

by Miloš Šebalj


Barbarian Swords – Totemic Anal Turbofucker

1. Delusions Of Saviour
2. How to Destroy Christianism
3. Fleshy Battering Ram
4. Be the War
5. Jesus the Pederast
6. Pig Crap Shitty Christ
7. Cerebros Destruidos (Eskorbuto)
8. Totemic Anal Turbofucker

Label: Independent 
Date: October 18, 2019

Consider me confused! And I’m not the one who’s easily confused.

I’ve got acquainted with this Catalan 5-piece last year, with a four-way split where they displayed something best described as melancholic Doom Metal with some Black Metal touches. Sure, the lyrical themes on those two songs were somewhat surprising for such a genre but I never would’ve suspected something like this would be released, by the same band, just a few months later. Seriously, just read the titles! There is no way you would think of Doom Metal with titles like those. Furthermore, the two tracks on the mentioned split lasted for over 16 minutes while the 8 tracks on “Totemic Anal Turbofucker” (what a title!) last under 25 minutes in total. So… How is this the same band!? A touch here or there might connect the two faces of Barbarian Swords that otherwise might just remind you of the tale of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

After all this, I’ve decided to treat this album (yes, they treat it as a full length) as though I haven’t heard about Barbarian Swords before. Perhaps I should consider it a new beginning, though I have no idea if something like this was tried before by these guys.

“Totemic Anal Turbofucker” is exactly what the title suggests. It’s dirty, rude, animalistic, primitive, aggressive and stripped (raped and strangled) to the bone extreme Metal worship. Raw Black Metal in the finest tradition of Marduk or Craft. Noisy Black/Death Metal in the vein of Blasphemy or Revenge. Black Punk as Darkthrone but without the subtlety (if that is even the correct word in this context). It is everything your parents warned you about when you first stepped into this inferno called Metal music. Moments of melodic outbursts (‘Be The War’) are kept to the minimum, but they are there. Other than those, everything here is made to torment your ears. And not in a good way…

This sort of primitive creativity certainly has its moments. There are records that have stood the test of time and achieved a cult status among the worshipers. Still, how many of those do we really need? We have the a couple of diamonds (I’m seriously lacking words for this kind of nightmarish music) and we have tons of crap. “Totemic Anal Turbofucker” is neither of those. It is a kind of record where you cannot find any faults or strongpoints. Maniacs obsessed with such bands could be satisfied, but I wouldn’t even guarantee that.


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